I have autism. Level 1. That which some would refer to as Asperger’s. High functioning. It only took 40 years to get the answer. Although looking back it should have been more obvious. I think those that have been close to me throughout life can look back and see it. Hell several of them have not dismissed that they themselves may be on the spectrum.
A life time of being undiagnosed but somehow I have managed to partially adapt and move on. Does this change who I am. No. What it offers is better resources to handle the many difficulties that many people with high functioning autism deal with. It also gives me a chance to really understand decisions I’ve made and how experiences through this life have affected me.
Growing up there was never any doubt that I was different. From family and cousins. From classmates. From everybody. What this helped with was the decision to leave Missouri. It was quite apparent to me that I didn’t belong there even if at the time I didn’t know where I belonged. Now I can comfortably say that was one of my better decisions.
I was recently speaking with an therapist who indicated that I showed 15/16 signs of PTSD. Truthfully speaking I never would have considered myself to have it. That being said, my younger years were filled with the torment of peers. Looking back at it and understanding that it has on those that fall on the spectrum it starts to feel a little to real. A life time of feeling I’m not good enough that last until this day.
This isn’t a forum for blame. It’s a testament to the person I was and the journey to the person I have become and am. The struggles that were apparent when not understood. One could even consider it a form of self-therapy.
This is where the story begins. But it isn’t “the beginning.”